Went for a few drinks (okay more than a few) with Stu and Ann Marie. Went to the Coasting Pilot, the Port and Neptune. Discovered a few truths about the people of Burry Port. Not ALL of them, the ones I know are fine but others can be assholes. Small town mindset again. It screws people up. It shapes an otherwise good soul into a bitter, narrow minded bigot.
Happy New F**king Year!!
Monday 3 August 2009
Wednesday 29th December 1993
Zero Alcohol.
Felt like a drink today but I managed to resist. The films I ordered arrived, so thats another bill to pay. I don't really like the music/film club im a member of. They're a con pushing onto you things you don't want. Im going to get out of the damned thing.
Felt like a drink today but I managed to resist. The films I ordered arrived, so thats another bill to pay. I don't really like the music/film club im a member of. They're a con pushing onto you things you don't want. Im going to get out of the damned thing.
Tuesday 28th December 1993
Zero Alcohol.
The worst is over. Went to mums and won bucks playing bingo.
The worst is over. Went to mums and won bucks playing bingo.
Monday 27th December 1993
Zero Alcohol.
Listened to music. Sick all day and night. Really bad. Feeling utterly wretched. Thought about the things ive done to myself. Rabid self abuse. Im tearing my soul to tatters. My internal organs must be putrid, all mushed up. Thats what they feel like. Ive heard of hitting myself over the head but this is murder. Its the highs and lows of alcoholism and to a lesser degree pills. First I float then I crash into the trenches and creases of illness. This is truly a sick kingdom that I choose to inhabit. Quite fitting for the ghoul but very hard for my gentler side to take.
Listened to music. Sick all day and night. Really bad. Feeling utterly wretched. Thought about the things ive done to myself. Rabid self abuse. Im tearing my soul to tatters. My internal organs must be putrid, all mushed up. Thats what they feel like. Ive heard of hitting myself over the head but this is murder. Its the highs and lows of alcoholism and to a lesser degree pills. First I float then I crash into the trenches and creases of illness. This is truly a sick kingdom that I choose to inhabit. Quite fitting for the ghoul but very hard for my gentler side to take.
Sunday 26th December 1993
Payback time!! Ill, Ill and screwed up totally. Giving this shit up!! Too sick to write.
Saturday 25th December 1993
Christmas Day and I cannot remember f**k all. Only the alcohol. A fine household I live in *sarcasm*
Don't even remember opening any presents. My mother and gran are good people tho. They will get their deserved rewards in Heaven. Others will not. Amen....Oh and Merry Christmas!!
Don't even remember opening any presents. My mother and gran are good people tho. They will get their deserved rewards in Heaven. Others will not. Amen....Oh and Merry Christmas!!
Friday 24th December 1993
Christmas Eve the time of greed. A time when our default of hate turns on a sickly and very practiced good cheer. Don't believe it dear reader, its all a sham. A cruel, diseased sham at that.
Went to Mums on the back of the bike with Stu. Also went to Pontyates. Sat in Antz's house doing speed, Mogadons and drink. Well who wants to be around this planet on Christmas?? The festive spirit is a fine idea but we scabbed it over with poisoned good will. Tis a time when enemies will talk to you but none will forgive you so its pointless. There is an art to spite and deceit and humans have it mastered.
Went to Mums on the back of the bike with Stu. Also went to Pontyates. Sat in Antz's house doing speed, Mogadons and drink. Well who wants to be around this planet on Christmas?? The festive spirit is a fine idea but we scabbed it over with poisoned good will. Tis a time when enemies will talk to you but none will forgive you so its pointless. There is an art to spite and deceit and humans have it mastered.
Thursday 23rd December 1993
Drunk. Again. I know im going to suffer from this one!! But knowing the outcome never prevents the lifting of the bottle or glass. Its still a small price to pay for having wings whilst drunk mind. Oh and ive gone turbo horny. I want to f**k any woman I see haha!! Alcohol: it drowns the lust but never the seed ;)
Wednesday 22nd December 1993
Ive been drinking for days now. Who am I kidding?? Ive been getting drunk for weeks, months even. Bought everybody presents. Well its the thing at Christmas isn't it?? The fake jolly holiday trap we all get suckered into. Let's paint crooked smiles on our greedy faces and wish our best enemies the greatest. Lets all give to recieve and stuff ourselves with horrible tasting festive shit. How about we ignore the spirit of goodwill and concentrate on our selves, knowing that had we been around when the Romans nailed Christ to a cross we would have been right behind it and more than likely holding the nails. We are even more of the herder mentality now. Humans make me sick truly. Im drinking to numb myself from their pathetic ways. Wasters. Blind, egotistical wasters.
Sunday 19th December 1993
Saw Stu and Ann Marie. Chatted for a bit then got drunk. Howling drunk. I get the feeling people only call to say 'hi' because they feel obliged. It doesn't bother me. Sobriety bothers me. Ha ha. Ha. Ha ha. He he. Ha. Drunk.
Saturday 18th December 1993
Got myself totally drunk and wasted. No poetry arrived in my blunted brain so I tried to watch films but its no good. I simply CANNOT have idle entertainment during the day. I can't imagine what its like for people who watch television all day. Id go stark raving mad, yes more crazy than I am now!! Ive got to be working or working on getting blitzed. I can't just sit back. Its not me.
Friday 17th December 1993
Drank 4 cans of Guiness bitter. Today went like yesterday, f**king boring apart from writing some cool poetry. I leave my shackles behind in verse.
Got a Christmas card from Tina. Don't know why mind you. Ive only been a drunken idiot in my correspondence to her. I guess im deserving of some human 'touch' but as always from afar. Im not THAT deserving. Im a ghoul, (even at Christmas) and very proud of it.
Got a Christmas card from Tina. Don't know why mind you. Ive only been a drunken idiot in my correspondence to her. I guess im deserving of some human 'touch' but as always from afar. Im not THAT deserving. Im a ghoul, (even at Christmas) and very proud of it.
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