Thursday 23rd December 1993

Drunk. Again. I know im going to suffer from this one!! But knowing the outcome never prevents the lifting of the bottle or glass. Its still a small price to pay for having wings whilst drunk mind. Oh and ive gone turbo horny. I want to f**k any woman I see haha!! Alcohol: it drowns the lust but never the seed ;)

Wednesday 22nd December 1993

Ive been drinking for days now. Who am I kidding?? Ive been getting drunk for weeks, months even. Bought everybody presents. Well its the thing at Christmas isn't it?? The fake jolly holiday trap we all get suckered into. Let's paint crooked smiles on our greedy faces and wish our best enemies the greatest. Lets all give to recieve and stuff ourselves with horrible tasting festive shit. How about we ignore the spirit of goodwill and concentrate on our selves, knowing that had we been around when the Romans nailed Christ to a cross we would have been right behind it and more than likely holding the nails. We are even more of the herder mentality now. Humans make me sick truly. Im drinking to numb myself from their pathetic ways. Wasters. Blind, egotistical wasters.

Sunday 19th December 1993

Saw Stu and Ann Marie. Chatted for a bit then got drunk. Howling drunk. I get the feeling people only call to say 'hi' because they feel obliged. It doesn't bother me. Sobriety bothers me. Ha ha. Ha. Ha ha. He he. Ha. Drunk.

Saturday 18th December 1993

Got myself totally drunk and wasted. No poetry arrived in my blunted brain so I tried to watch films but its no good. I simply CANNOT have idle entertainment during the day. I can't imagine what its like for people who watch television all day. Id go stark raving mad, yes more crazy than I am now!! Ive got to be working or working on getting blitzed. I can't just sit back. Its not me.

Friday 17th December 1993

Drank 4 cans of Guiness bitter. Today went like yesterday, f**king boring apart from writing some cool poetry. I leave my shackles behind in verse.
Got a Christmas card from Tina. Don't know why mind you. Ive only been a drunken idiot in my correspondence to her. I guess im deserving of some human 'touch' but as always from afar. Im not THAT deserving. Im a ghoul, (even at Christmas) and very proud of it.

Wednesday 15th December 1993

Only drank 1 can of Guiness bitter. Im not looking forward to Christmas at all. F**king families. If ever I have one of my own, they won't go through this!! Im too ill to care anyway. I need to crawl into my safe space and rest.

Tuesday 14th December 1993

Greetings from the realm of corpses. I am a dressed skeleton and shuffle like disease. Ill again today like yesterday. Stu and Ann Marie came to visit, I opened the bottle of brandy and drank to reach my preferred state. I feel like a blindman driving a car and wishing it would turn into a fireball. Although I admit im being overly dramatic here, im not feeling suicidal at all. No matter what ills and spites I inflict upon my shattered flesh and soul, I will never ever entertain thoughts of self destruction. Suicide for me is a grave sin and will never be an option.
Why did I buy this brandy?? I don't like brandy, I should have bought all gin instead. Ah but the different coloured bottles sure looked pretty on the table. So thats why I bought the brandy then. I was creating an alcoholic rainbow in the room. Hic!!